changes

So I am learning that things are definitely not always easy... at all. I have probably already said this before.. but I realize it more an more every day.

As September begins to roll nearer and nearer, the reality that I moving really starts to hit home. I'm excited to move on in my life and get out of this town that I have been in for most of my life so far, but it's the little things that are keeping me from wanting to do so as soon as might be best.

My best friend Robby recieved his mission call a while ago... he leaves for Brazil on October 6th, 2009.... a little less than 2 months away. The idea of him leaving for Brazil has me excited for him and also very very sad at the same time. I idea of not seeing him for 2 years hurts very badly because he has been the momst amazing friend anyone could ever ask for. picking me up from hospitals at 4am, giving me great advice, talking to me about things that bother me and being over protevtive at times... he's been the best guy pal in the history of the world.. even if he is the biggest jerk in the world at times too. But if I leave for school now, then I may not be able to be there to say goodbye before he leaves for 2 years and I most definitely not ready to say goodbye right now. And who knows if I will be able to fly up for his goodbye party :(.

But, nevertheless, he will come home eventually, and I need to be doing something somewhere else while he is gone to take my mind off things. My friend Brett doesn't get home from his mission for a little over a year still, so I need to be making something of myself. Otherwise when they get back all I will have accomplished is sitting around looking for jobs and doing nothing other than that.

I'm not a big fan of change. I used to dump my boyfriends when they would cut their hair because i hated change so much. shallow, i know, but keep in mind that was like middle school and super early high school, haha. Anyway, I think of how much silly thing that that would bother me, and then I look at my plans for now... I don't have any idea what I am doing or why i am doing it... all I know it that I need to.

Funny thing is that i have never been to Utah (where I am moving)... but i know I need to go there. I know that it is the best place for me to be while by best friends are away and unable to help me in person and unable to look me in the eye and tell me things will be ok. i know that by going through with this plan I will be able to make more friends... maybe some like Robby and brett... and that I will become spiritually stronger and better able to do things on my own and handle what life throws at me. I know I will be able to really test myself in new ways and I am terrified of that... but I am also really looking forward to it.

i know change is something I need.
and I don't want it totally yet... but I will go through with it. I know I must.